What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
