The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
