So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
