Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
