it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
