I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
