Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
