He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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