He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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