I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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