the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
