I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
