how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
