3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
