Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
