i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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