I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
