you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
