Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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