Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
