I hate your face
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
