dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
