I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
