I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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