Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
