Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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