Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
