did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
