it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
