One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
