Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
