Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
