9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
did i just pee glitter
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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