I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
