whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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