I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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