Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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