nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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