If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
