On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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