she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
