does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
