Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
