A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
