I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
