You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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