my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
