My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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