We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
