he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
