I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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