This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
