she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
