I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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