he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
