I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
